I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
