Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
There's even glitter on my cock...
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