I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
