i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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