I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
