Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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