i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
