Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
there is glitter all over my balls
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
