The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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