Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
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