My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
