dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
