dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
