Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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