I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
