If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
