I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
