dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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