bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
