The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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