am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
