I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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