she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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