WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
