i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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