hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
