You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
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