Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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