I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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