It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
