Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
