I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
