Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
