ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
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