a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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