Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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