You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Randomize
