Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
