Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
