Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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