I have demons in me.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
