Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
