Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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