So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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