I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
