did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Randomize
