She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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