Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
