I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
