Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
