she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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