I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
