I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
